Here are my musings from the other day. Sorry for the delay in publishing, but finals really have me bogged down. My hope is you will find them at least half as entertaining and insightful as I did. Enjoy.
Immortality. Humanity seems to be obsessed with the concept. From the fountain of youth to queens who bathed in virgin’s blood in pursuit of youth and beauty, history is riddled with signs of this obsession.
It’s not just a thing of our past though. We still feed our obsession. From the stories of Fey (for those of you non-geeks out there, fey are magical creatures who typically don’t age. It’s where our modern concept of fairies originates, but these “fairies” aren’t always so nice and pretty.) to those of vampires (sparkly or not, take your pick, they’re all immortal) and even zombies, we have an obsession with not dying.
Okay, okay, I can already hear some of you screaming at me about the zombie reference. Sit back and let me explain my reasoning before you decide I must be burned at the stake for heresy. Zombies are technically dead, I get it. Take a look at recent zombie flicks and shows. Zombies tend to be getting smarter and faster compared to those of older movies. They have more human like abilities than ever before. Hell, there’s even a movie coming out soon where a zombie goes from being a zombie to being human (or rather alive–or something close to that) again because he falls in love with a girl.
Zombies are animated deceased flesh. But they function. They have a purpose. A driving force. Sure, that purpose may be nothing more than the desire to eat human flesh (Brraaaiiinnnsss, brraaiinnss..) but hey, at least they’re not rotting underground somewhere. Rotting in the fresh air under a shining sun while walking about, happily munching on human and/or animal flesh seems like it may be a better fate that death itself to some folks. Provided they never catch a bullet (or other trauma causing implement) to the head, they can go on forever in theory. So yeah, that’s where the idea of immortality comes in for me. Agree or not, well, it’s my thought, so… but, I do hope you can see a shred of merit.
Back on topic now, I was walking out of school the other day, contemplating immortality in all it’s possible forms. I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to be immortal… in the traditional sense of the concept. I don’t desire to have my physical being carry on for generations after everyone I know and love has left this earth. That seems as if it would be my own personal hell as the losses I’ve experienced in my life have always been crippling for me. I do want to carry on here though.
I want to carry on in the stories that are told by those I love. I want to carry on in the hearts of those who knew me, who loved me. (Of course, to know me is to love me, so that would be a lot of people. Hehe) I want more than that though. What happens when I’m gone and all those who knew (and loved) me are gone as well? Who will tell the stories of my life? Who will share the pictures with others and know who the people in those images actually are?
If I had to pick my top three greatest fears, this would be on that list. I’m afraid of being forgotten. I’m afraid of not leaving an impact and influence on the world I live in some way, large or small. It’s not as simple as raising my kids and leaving a legacy in that form. That’s too easy. It’s not that I view it as trivial, but I want to leave behind something tangible as well. Something my ancestors and everyone else can see, touch, and even smell. It’s a desire that is so strong; it could be classified as a need. The issue I face is how do I make this need come to be? What path do I want to take to make this happen?
Then it hit me. Something I make a practice of doing every day could be my way of making this happen. Writing is a path to make this dream come true. If it’s writing a novel or some other form or literature that becomes widely recognized or even if it’s just this electronic copy of my daily blogs, there is something my ancestors will be able to look back on.
It’s only been in recent years that this has become increasingly important to me. As several of those that I love have passed away, I realized how memories were slipping away from me. Someone would recount a story of an event that occurred and I would have to think for a moment before I could go “Oh yeah” and join in on remembering the story. I think this is why I want something more substantial. Memories only last so long and only get passed down for so long before someone it totally forgotten. My plan is to live forever. To be immortalized through my writing. Here’s hoping it works the way I envision it.