Whoa. I was beginning to forget what my laptop looked like. I haven’t written in days, partly because of the holiday and partly because I’ve been busy reading a new book. Reading just makes me want to write my book even more. Then again, it also makes me feel like my writing is shit and I should throw in the towel. It’s too much conflict for my tiny brain to handle, so I’m ignoring both of my inner demons and just enjoying the book.
I had a major bipolar meltdown yesterday, getting pissed at the boyfriend for next to nothing. I feel like a total ass and I’m so lucky he forgives me and understands. After I got angry, I had a seizure. He took care of me even though I was an ass to him. I was upset with him because I wasn’t communicating my needs to him and he couldn’t read my mind. How dare he not be able to know my innermost thoughts without me vocalizing them. Well, I guess I really am a chick. I usually don’t fall into those types of patterns, but I suppose it was my day to be a total girl in the most annoying of ways. I guess..
I’m going to be seeing my doctor soon. He doesn’t know the auditory hallucinations are back. I’m not sure if I want him to put me on something more or not. I usually don’t like being on medication and aim to be on the least amount possible, but with the way things have been, I’m wondering if it might not be time to shake things up a bit.
I’ve been debating on getting a job. As it’s been months since I received child support from my ex, it might be at a point where I need to. I’m just concerned with how I’ll be able to handle working on top of my other responsibilities. Dropping out of school is NOT an option and selling the kids on the black market isn’t either, so…
I guess I’d better get to bed now. Lack of sleep is one of the leading causes of bitchiness, you know.