Archive | February 2013

A Belated Valentine’s Rant

I am slacker. Hear me snore! I had this great idea for a blog on Valentines day. I even did a voice to text transcript on my phone while driving to school. Silly me forgot to save said transcript, so sadly, my ramblings were lost. Maybe that’s a good thing though, as my voice to text program sucks. Long story short, I still feel my rant has some post-worthy-ness, so here are my thoughts on Valentines Day.

I don’t celebrate Valentines Day. It’s not because I’m a lonely, bitter person who can’t stand others around me being all lovey-dovey. (I will say that can get a tad nauseating though) I’m also not one of those girls who says they don’t want anything and then gets all worked up when you don’t get her anything. No. I mean it. I don’t celebrate it. I have a few reasons for my Valentine’s grinchy attitude.

My daughter’s birthday is Valentine’s day. Anyone who has a birthday on or near a large gift giving holiday will tell you that their birthday seems a bit forgotten at times. Just ask my eldest. The poor child was born six days before Christmas. I prefer not to give or receive gifts on this day because it may take away from the enjoyment of her birthday.

My birthday is in the same week. Why would I, all old and stuff, need two days of getting gifts so close together? You want to get me a Valentine’s Day gift? Give me a birthday present instead. I’m old, like I said, so I don’t get many of those anymore. Recognizing the day of my birth and marking that with a gift that says, “Hey! You’re special to me!” is just about the most amazing thing to me. Maybe that’s because as an adult, birthday gifts can be as rare as a bigfoot sighting.

Text-speak has completely ruined the holiday. Even IF I wanted to celebrate, I’m not sure I could. Abbreviating things has become so mainstream that nothing is sacred any more. They’ve turned St. Patrick’s Day into St. Paddy’s Day, Christmas into X-Mas, and now Valentines Day has been coined “V-Day”.

Am I alone in being totally creeped out by this? V-Day brings to mind two things for me. Vagina’s and venereal disease. I don’t know about you, but when someone wishes me a “Happy V(enereal disease) Day”, I don’t get that warm, tingly feeling deep inside. If I did, I’d be seeing a doctor.

Happy V(agina) Day isn’t quite as bad, but it still doesn’t evoke feelings of warm tender love to me. I know a woman’s reproductive system is a beautiful thing, but I don’t really need a day devoted to my womanly pieces. Although, I suppose one could argue that women are the main supporters of Valentine’s Day and women usually come equipped with vaginas, but that seems a bit far fetched.

Personally, I feel like Valentine’s Day is closely akin to Sweetest Day. They’re both bullshit. Forgive my French, but it’s true. If you love someone, why do you need two days a year to remind you that you need to show them that. True love happens all year round. I’d rather have someone surprise me on a random day of the year with special tokens of their affection than get a generic gift on a generic holiday. If it’s spontaneous, it means more to me than any mass produced trinket you can get for Valentine’s Day.

I am lucky enough to be with someone who understands this and practices this. He once bought my lilies (my favorite flower) on HIS birthday because he figured it would be the day I would least expect it. He does little things for me every day, from the dishes to foot rubs while we watch TV. Every once in a while, he knocks my socks off with a special gift or night out. The point is, he shows me every day that he loves me in about a million ways. I am so spoiled and beyond lucky. My only hope is that I show him how much he means to me even half as well as he does with me.

Happy Crappy Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. Yay, right? Meh, not so much.

Sunday, my mom went into the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Terrified doesn’t even cover it. To make matters worse, she went to the same hospital where my dad died… of a heart attack. Thankfully, mom is home now and on the mend, but the emotions that were stirred up are still very present. I’m glad she didn’t leave us because that would have made my birthday that much crappier.

Being that I was so worried about my mom, focusing on homework proved pretty much impossible. Anxiety began to kick in ever time I picked up a book. I did manage to get a few things done, but with the load of work I had, it barely made a dent.

Don’t get me wrong, my birthday wasn’t all bad. My wonderful kiddos made me birthday cards and helped around the house and my boyfriend brought home a turtle ice cream cake. The boyfriend and I also had some time to snuggle and talk, which is always great. The day was difficult because my eldest was really sick. She got hit with the worst stomach flu I’ve ever seen. We were worried that maybe she may have severe food poisoning, so I called the answering service. They recommended that we take her, guess where. That’s right. The ER.

Everything checked out okay, so we were able to go home. She’s still really ill and I feel horrible for being at school while she’s home sick like this. I know she’s a “big girl” and can take care of herself, but I still feel bad.

I have the flu now as well. Not the stomach bug, bug the good, old fashioned flu. To top off my misery, I fell on ice when leaving for school today. Hurray for crappy days.

Getting that VIB Award: The Do’s and Don’ts of Blogging

I feel like Julia Roberts. Bette Davis. Hallie Berry. Elizabeth Taylor. Sally Field. Audrey Hepburn.

You know, Oscar winners. Yeah. It’s that good. Well, maybe not, but dammit I’m running with it. As a writer, it’s nice when others pat you on the back and say “good job”. Hell, as a human it’s nice. So when I got nominated by fellow blogger Michael Allan Leonard for the “Very Inspiring Blogger” award, tears welled up in my eyes as I contemplated my acceptance speech. How would I acknowledge the masses adoration for me? I decided blatant sarcasm and general smart assery were the most genuine forms of thanks I could bestow upon the little people.

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You know it’s real because there’s an official picture. Whoo hoo!

First, I must thank the man who made this all possible. Michael, stand up and take a bow. Your blog makes me laugh, it makes me cry, and it touches that special geeky place in my heart. Thank you for all you do in your blog and for following my incessant ramblings without loosing your noodle as well. You honor me. (This part is not sarcastic or in the spirit of smart-assery. What’s to come, well, that’s a different story.)

To the rest of my adoring fans, I extend my thanks to you in the form of advice. It gets lonely up here at the top, so I want all the little people to know that they can make the climb as well. Without further adieu I bring you my Do’s and Don’ts of Blogging.

Do write only for yourself. Entertaining others is unimportant. Besides, if you’re awesome, they’ll be entertained anyways.

Don’t take the time to spell check. Spelling errors add character to your writing and help others feel your essence through your writing.

Do use Ebonics and text speak in your writing. We don’t have all day to read what you’ve written because what we are writing is so much more important to us. Using these tools will help you shorten your body of work.

Don’t consider your content before posting. We love reading 10 paragraphs about how cute the new Tu-tu you got for your dog/child/cat/raccoon is. (If you choose to write about that Tu-tu, whatever you do, do NOT make those 10 paragraphs funny. We hate humor. Avoid it at all costs.)

Do avoid the use of “big” words. In fact, avoid may be too big. Any word over three syllables should be removed from your vocabulary.

Don’t read other blogs. Don’t comment, don’t like, don’t even look at them. Acknowledging other’s accomplishments takes away from your own.

If you follow these tried and true methods, you’ll be sure to get nominated for epic awards just like I did.

With my nomination, there were some rules. Yes, a catch. You saw that coming from a mile away, didn’t you. I didn’t. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought all I had to do was smile and choke back tears while accepting my little golden statue. No. I have tasks to complete. Thanks Michael Allan Leonard for giving me even more to do. I guess my laziness hasn’t come across strongly enough in my blogs. Looks like I need to work on that. Sheesh.

So, the rules for accepting the Very Inspiring Blogger award are:

1. Display the award logo on your blog. (Check)
2. Link back to the person who nominated you. (I think I’ve accomplished this a few times)
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

Seven things about me. Man, I’m so awesome, I don’t know where to start…

1) I have had no less that 50 hair-brained schemes to make money while being my own boss. Nothing has ever come from any of it, but I hope and pray that my most recent scheme works. Writing. I want to make a living doing what I love. Working a 9-5 seems like it would be an ill fit for me for numerous reasons, my health issues being at the top of that list.

2) I have several guilty pleasures that most of my friends give me crap for on a regular basis. Twilight (both the books and movies), Nickleback (I don’t care what anyone says, I love this band), and crappy B movies are a few of the things I get the most crap for.

3) I am the black sheep of my family. I love them, they love me, but sometimes (well, most of the time) we just don’t see eye to eye. It’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life, but I’ve come to grips with it and have a peace about it now. Like Popeye said, “I am who I am.”

4) I HATE centipedes. I’m good with almost any other bug unless I’m surprised by them, but centipedes make me scream like a horror movie slasher is after me. It’s embarrassing, really, but they are so gross. It doesn’t help that once, long ago, a centipede tried to take a bath with me. Grossest. Thing. Ever.

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Just looking at this gives me the heebie jeebies. Ugh. It’s beady little eyes are staring straight into my soul.

4) My interests in anything and everything are all over the board. With music, movies, and hobbies people are often confused by my selections. I am an enigma. I like it that wa,y too. Or maybe I just want to believe I’m that mysterious. Meh, who knows.

5) I LOVE roller coasters! Love Love Love them! I get season passes every year to the local theme park so I can get my fix in. It’s one of my guilty pleasures for sure, but I’m passing the love down to my kiddos, so they get the benefit as well.

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I can’t wait for the summer. There’s nothing like riding a coaster.

6) I hate living where I live. Ever sense I was little, I had dreams of getting out of here. Here I am, almost 30, and I’m still stuck. It seems as if my roots are a bit stronger than I would like to admit. That will change though. I just have to wait for the kids to get older. Hurray for divorced parentage. (blah)

7) I am addicted to stupid apps. I have about 10 game apps on my phone at any given time. It’s a problem. I’d like to tell you all that I’m seeking help for my addiction, but I’m not.

There you have it folks, seven facts about moi.

Now, to nominate fifteen comrades who knock my socks off. Here they are, in no particular order.

1) Snide Reply

2) The Worlds Top 10 Of Anything And Everything!!!

3) CallmeSheBear

4) Psychobabble

5) The Ramblings

6) The Jiggly Bits

7) BrainRants

8) Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities And Remaining Sane Blog

9) Stuff Kids Write

10) The Secret Life Of A Manic Depressive

11) Bucket List Publications

12) Living With Fibromyalgia, CFS And MFS

13) Prego And The Loon

14) An Electric Journal Of A Castaway

15) Weaklyshortstories

This concludes my nominations and my ramblings. Now remember, don’t read their blogs. A good blogger never supports others. 😉

This entry was posted on February 3, 2013. 2 Comments