Archive | May 2013

I Get by with a Little Help from My Friends

I woke up this morning and got on Facebook only to get all riled up. One of my friends posted this article about a dad who took a pay cut to maintain his childcare benefits. I saw it as a perfect opportunity to counter some posts that other people on my friends list have been posting lately. Along with a link to the article, I posted the following response.

This is a real problem. I know many people who have encountered this exact same issue.

The system is there for people like him, hard-working people who truly need the help. The problem is, the system is broken. Once you reach those income limits, you often find yourself even worse off than when you first needed the help.

I would have done the same thing as this man. If you have a problem with that, please let me know and unfriend me. I’m tired of hearing “friends” of mine talk down about people who use these programs. I am one of those people.

I am disabled, going to school, and raising my children. I’m doing what I can to secure a good job that won’t leave me stuck in this man’s predicament. If doing what I feel it’s best for my children and myself is something that you don’t agree with, then, plain and simple, please take a long walk off a short pier.

I will no longer keep quiet when I hear my “friends” talk down about those on assistance. Walk a mile in my shoes, in his shoes, in the vast majority of people on assistance shoes, and you will see our intent is not to take advantage of anything, rather we’re trying to survive and thrive. Just the same as everyone else…

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The Home Stretch

My first final is in 7 hours and I can’t sleep. I was so sick today, studying was seriously limited from what I wanted to accomplish, so now I’m nervous. I tried studying a bit more, hoping that would knock me out, but no such luck. I also can’t focus on anything. Gggrrrrrrr. Have I mentioned how glad I am that the semester’s just about over? This weekend can’t come fast enough.

Whining from the First World

Date night. An all important part of any relationship. Just the two of us, away from the kids, enjoying each other’s company. I look forward to these times.

With all the chaos that has befallen us, date night has ceased to exist. This is completely unacceptable. So I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I threw a temper tantrum. I kicked, screamed, whined, and complained until my boyfriend was ready to fully submit to my will and agree to a whole weekend for just us. Or maybe I asked nicely and he said yes without having to be beaten into submission. Believe what you will…

Anywho, this weekend getaway is fast approaching. It begins exactly one week from tomorrow, actually. Woo hoo for us!

Problem is, we still don’t know where to go. We’ve tossed around a few ideas, but nothing seems to have stuck. One second, I’m all about finding a nice cabin far away from it all where we can just enjoy each other’s company and take in some natural beauty. The next, I want to plan a million things in that one weekend because I don’t know when this will happen again.

Sigh. First world problems are sooo hard to deal with. Sometimes, I yearn for a simpler life where all I need to worry about is when I will eat again or if the water I’m drinking is clean or not. Man, that would be the life.. *crap! I misplaced my sarcasm font again!*

Nature’s Lesson of the Day

I had a rough day. On my way to school I had the beginnings of a breakdown. Not one for breaking down in public, I decided it would be best if I center myself before heading to class.

Quite a while back, I posted this blog about one of the many spots I like to go to around school when I’m feeling this way. That spot is nice, but it’s too close to school. I needed something more secluded today.

Right next door to my school, there’s a county park and golf course. While I’m not much for golf, I do love the natural scenery it has to offer.

image

This is an instagram photo I took today. My first one ever, actually. I think it turned out quite nice. It’s taken from my favorite spot to sit. On the bank of the stream, there’s a rock that sits next to a tree. I sit on that rock often, listening to the water babble as it flows over the rocks and branches.

image

I wasn’t in the mood to sit today, so I decided to head to the bridge. While there, I stopped, closed my eyes, and let my senses take in the surroundings. The sun felt warm on my skin. Birds were singing and everything smelled new. I opened my eyes, allowing my refocused self a chance to see the picture around me. The water on one side of the bridge was babbling, but just on the other side, the water appeared smooth as glass.

image

Then, a thought came to me. In many ways, I am like that stream. The side that’s like glass, appearing calm and unmoving while churning below the surface is me most of the time. When my obstacles are small and hidden below the surface, I appear to be smooth and steady. What others fail to see is the churning below the surface. They don’t see the nasty tricks my mind plays on me. I appear calm and put together through years of practice.

On the other side of the bridge, the water has many obstacles in its path. Because of this, the waters movements are more visible. Right now, I am the water on this site of the bridge. There’s so many obstacles in my path, now the storm that brews beneath the surface has come to light. I can’t contain things in the manner I’m used to because so much had been put on my plate. Now all I hear is the incessant babbling of my mind. It’s maddening.

I hiked quite a way down the stream, contemplating all of this and what it could mean for me aside from some insight and a decent blog topic. There’s a point on the trail where it circles around a tree and heads back the way you came. There, I noticed a small tributary. This got me thinking.

image

This tiny creek I isn’t churning up the water. It’s feeding the stream, giving it more life force. Without it and others like it, the streams water level would lower, exposing more rocks and obstacles, making the stream have to work that much harder. The stream could even dry up without these little creeks.

I have isolated myself recently. It’s partially because I’ve been so busy I don’t have time to be social. There’s a large portion of it that’s intentional though. When I’m like this, I’m not easy to deal with. Everything ticks me off, and if it doesn’t tick me off it will probably make me cry. I have zero tolerance for anything I deem as stupidity. I don’t want to be around people and, with the way I am, I figure it’s better for others not to be around me.

The problem is I’m running low. My stream is drying up. I need others in my life, whether to lend a helping hand or to have a shoulder to cry on. I’m realizing that part of taking care of me also means caring for those connections. Now to try to find the time….

Nature’s Lesson of the Day

I had a rough day. On my way to school I had the beginnings of a breakdown. Not one for breaking down in public, I decided it would be best if I center myself before heading to class.

Quite a while back, I posted this blog about one of the many spots I like to go to around school when I’m feeling this way. That spot is nice, but it’s too close to school. I needed something more secluded today.

Right next door to my school, there’s a county park and golf course. While I’m not much for golf, I do love the natural scenery it has to offer.

image

This is an instagram photo I took today. My first one ever, actually. I think it turned out quite nice. It’s taken from my favorite spot to sit. On the bank of the stream, there’s a rock that sits next to a tree. I sit on that rock often, listening to the water babble as it flows over the rocks and branches.

image

I wasn’t in the mood to sit today, so I decided to head to the bridge. While there, I stopped, closed my eyes, and let my senses take in the surroundings. The sun felt warm on my skin. Birds were singing and everything smelled new. I opened my eyes, allowing my refocused self a chance to see the picture around me. The water on one side of the bridge was babbling, but just on the other side, the water appeared smooth as glass.

image

Then, a thought came to me. In many ways, I am like that stream. The side that’s like glass, appearing calm and unmoving while churning below the surface is me most of the time. When my obstacles are small and hidden below the surface, I appear to be smooth and steady. What others fail to see is the churning below the surface. They don’t see the nasty tricks my mind plays on me. I appear calm and put together through years of practice.

On the other side of the bridge, the water has many obstacles in its path. Because of this, the waters movements are more visible. Right now, I am the water on this site of the bridge. There’s so many obstacles in my path, now the storm that brews beneath the surface has come to light. I can’t contain things in the manner I’m used to because so much had been put on my plate. Now all I hear is the incessant babbling of my mind. It’s maddening.

I hiked quite a way down the stream, contemplating all of this and what it could mean for me aside from some insight and a decent blog topic. There’s a point on the trail where it circles around a tree and heads back the way you came. There, I noticed a small tributary. This got me thinking.

image

This tiny creek I isn’t churning up the water. It’s feeding the stream, giving it more life force. Without it and others like it, the streams water level would lower, exposing more rocks and obstacles, making the stream have to work that much harder. The stream could even dry up without these little creeks.

I have isolated myself recently. It’s partially because I’ve been so busy I don’t have time to be social. There’s a large portion of it that’s intentional though. When I’m like this, I’m not easy to deal with. Everything ticks me off, and if it doesn’t tick me off it will probably make me cry. I have zero tolerance for anything I deem as stupidity. I don’t want to be around people and, with the way I am, I figure it’s better for others not to be around me.

The problem is I’m running low. My stream is drying up. I need others in my life, whether to lend a helping hand or to have a shoulder to cry on. I’m realizing that part of taking care of me also means caring for those connections. Now to try to find the time….